It's All Too Much For Me

Dear World,

Some nights, I just want it to be over. I'm tired. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of being given things to have them taken away. I'm tired of people using me. I'm tired of always being the one who has to be strong for everyone else then having no one to turn to when I need someone to be strong for me. I'm insanely tired of being treated differently because I want to treat others with love no matter what they look like or where they have been. I'm not sorry that I feel sad for those who are so shallow. I'm not sorry for being different. I don't want to blend in. I don't want to be like everyone else. And maybe by being this way I'm only asking to be put down. Especially in a world that is obsessed with assimilation in to the mainstream, popular, cliche culture. Fuck, that noise is the worst I've ever heard, like nails on a chalkboard to my soul, a soul that screams to be free from the chains of a sick society. And I think I've found that it's no different, no matter where you go. So I tell myself to hold my head high so others can see that it's possible. I hope by being strong I can help to strengthen those around me. I hope that by not giving up, when I so desperately want to, I will have shown someone, anyone, that there is hope. If there is hope for someone like me, there is hope for you. If there was ever a love that reaches so far, it's the love my Savior gives to me. But some days that love makes me want to go home so badly. And by home I mean heaven, so I lie awake at night and pray the Lord would just take me. And when I wake to a new day I ask the Lord to be my strength, because I know without him I cannot go on. Without him, I have no desire to. Without Christ I would just be another face blurred in to the crowd. But that is not how I will go out. I was made for something great, I know this much to be true. At times I want to scream at God and tell him that can't possibly be. But he just says...be patient..so for now that's what I'll do. I want to continually show others love, grace, compassion. I have to ask the Lord to help me to do so everyday, or this world would rip me to pieces. My heart just would not be able to take it. I would be dead or driven by anger and hatred. But my Savior keeps me calm and keeps me moving along. Annnnd I haven't got much else to say, really. It's just life. Another day.


Yours Truly,
Charissa