Everyone who really knows me, loves me and their opinions on matters of my life are valued because they are honest and caring, even when that honesty may be harsh. But the opinions of those who do not know me, don't matter...those people are funny to think I care what they have to say about me in the first place. Thank you to my family and friends who taught me this valuable lesson in life.
Growing up means realizing what really matters.....100% genuine love..God's love....surrounding yourself with people who give that kind of love, and doing what you can to show that love to others...showing others that love is stronger then harsh judgment and hurtful words by not allowing those things to affect you negatively. By showing grace and love to those who are hateful it really could help to show people that love and compassion still exist in a world like ours. Show people that they are not in control of your life...God is. And when God is in control, his light shines through for others to see.
Those who truly love you will encourage you to live your life for Christ. They will encourage you to never give up on what you feel the Lord is leading you towards.
Lord, today I ask that you help me to show your love, real love, to those around me. Even those who hurt me. Even those who do not deserve it. Because you and I both know I definitely don't deserve it either.
Yours Truly,
Charissa
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
Stupid Girl
Dear World,
Here is another old poem. Reminding me of how I've changed and that weaknesses are also my strengths.
Stupid Girl
I'm just a stupid girl
with one life to live
and everything in my heart to give
I love because I can't help it
I care because it's just my nature
I give because I don't see the point in holding back
I talk in hopes that someone will listen
I breathe but the air is suffocating
My downfall is that I mostly see good in those around me;
The bad always comes back to bite me.
But I forgive, I can't see a point in holding a grudge.
And I'll smile, just for you...
I hate my smile, but for some reason it almost never leaves my face
A smile can say a thousand things as I hide behind it.
My face is all that most people will ever see of me.
Just a face.
Just a stupid girl.
And if I never amount to much of anything
That's the one thing I will always know for sure.
Yours Truly,
Charissa
Here is another old poem. Reminding me of how I've changed and that weaknesses are also my strengths.
Stupid Girl
I'm just a stupid girl
with one life to live
and everything in my heart to give
I love because I can't help it
I care because it's just my nature
I give because I don't see the point in holding back
I talk in hopes that someone will listen
I breathe but the air is suffocating
My downfall is that I mostly see good in those around me;
The bad always comes back to bite me.
But I forgive, I can't see a point in holding a grudge.
And I'll smile, just for you...
I hate my smile, but for some reason it almost never leaves my face
A smile can say a thousand things as I hide behind it.
My face is all that most people will ever see of me.
Just a face.
Just a stupid girl.
And if I never amount to much of anything
That's the one thing I will always know for sure.
Yours Truly,
Charissa
To Walk With You*-
I might have posted this on this blog already. Not sure. But I love it cause it is more of a prayer then a poem.
To Walk With You
make me a child in your presence Lord,
For I am so thankful that you are my Father.
Walk with me along this path
Rejoice with me in times of happiness
Forgive me when I choose not to listen to your words.
Pick me up when I have fallen
Sit and talk with me when I'm weak and feel as if I can't go on.
Hold me when I am broken
Make me beautiful through the suffering.
teach me how to become more like you as I look up to you for guidance day after day.
When I rebel, remind me how much I need you
For I truly am a helpless child.
I only survive by your grace, and the many things you provide for me.
tell me yes, and tell me no.
for only you know what's best for me.
Help me to see my brothers and sisters on my journey
to remember that you gave us to each other
and that we need each other,
as you constantly remind us that we cannot do it on our own.
we all do our part in your family Father.
Our one goal is to love and serve you
to strive to obey you in all we do
and to run to you when we're hurt,
when we're full of joy,
when we have a question that needs an answer,
and when we just want to talk.
to be able to wake up in the morning and say
I love you father
to spend the whole day in your presence
so that we may sleep knowing that you are watching over us all the while.
that, truly is the greatest gift,
to know that after having ran away you welcome me with open arms.
you forget the ways I've hurt you and give me a fresh start every day
Father today I want to live for you and only you,
to please you in everything that I do.
I'll take your hand and walk with you,
its what I've be longing to do.
Yours Truly,
Charissa
To Walk With You
make me a child in your presence Lord,
For I am so thankful that you are my Father.
Walk with me along this path
Rejoice with me in times of happiness
Forgive me when I choose not to listen to your words.
Pick me up when I have fallen
Sit and talk with me when I'm weak and feel as if I can't go on.
Hold me when I am broken
Make me beautiful through the suffering.
teach me how to become more like you as I look up to you for guidance day after day.
When I rebel, remind me how much I need you
For I truly am a helpless child.
I only survive by your grace, and the many things you provide for me.
tell me yes, and tell me no.
for only you know what's best for me.
Help me to see my brothers and sisters on my journey
to remember that you gave us to each other
and that we need each other,
as you constantly remind us that we cannot do it on our own.
we all do our part in your family Father.
Our one goal is to love and serve you
to strive to obey you in all we do
and to run to you when we're hurt,
when we're full of joy,
when we have a question that needs an answer,
and when we just want to talk.
to be able to wake up in the morning and say
I love you father
to spend the whole day in your presence
so that we may sleep knowing that you are watching over us all the while.
that, truly is the greatest gift,
to know that after having ran away you welcome me with open arms.
you forget the ways I've hurt you and give me a fresh start every day
Father today I want to live for you and only you,
to please you in everything that I do.
I'll take your hand and walk with you,
its what I've be longing to do.
Yours Truly,
Charissa
Another Poem From the Past
I'm not sure why I wrote this poem. I know it wasn't about anyone specific, just a feeling. But it's been awhile since I've thought about it. Maybe I will remember someday!
Free
I want to be free
to feel the rush of the wind on my back
the sun warm on my face
the sand beneath my feet
won't you take me there?
to the place where I long to be?
where everything is perfect.
I wished you'd come with me.
I'd teach you how to laugh
at the stupid things I do
and maybe then you would learn
to laugh at yourself too
come walk with me
along the shore
just to see its beauty
I couldn't ask for anything more
a beautiful night with stars above
it might seem plain and dull to you
but this is my language of love
the beauty of the evening sky
tells more than you could imagine
and I'll teach you how to never be shy
you shouldn't hide your beautiful eyes
the thing that I first noticed about you
I know it's crazy, but it's true
so come away
just for today
to the shore line
where we can be free
Yours Truly,
Charissa
Free
I want to be free
to feel the rush of the wind on my back
the sun warm on my face
the sand beneath my feet
won't you take me there?
to the place where I long to be?
where everything is perfect.
I wished you'd come with me.
I'd teach you how to laugh
at the stupid things I do
and maybe then you would learn
to laugh at yourself too
come walk with me
along the shore
just to see its beauty
I couldn't ask for anything more
a beautiful night with stars above
it might seem plain and dull to you
but this is my language of love
the beauty of the evening sky
tells more than you could imagine
and I'll teach you how to never be shy
you shouldn't hide your beautiful eyes
the thing that I first noticed about you
I know it's crazy, but it's true
so come away
just for today
to the shore line
where we can be free
Yours Truly,
Charissa
I Promise
Dear World,
I found some of my old poems on facebook and myspace..and since I don't use either of those that much, I figured I'd do some flashback posts on here.
Here is a poem that I wrote 4 years ago. I wrote this for my family after thinking of how they had been there for me when I was in AZ all those years ago. Family week at Remuda Ranch, supporting me in my recovery. I need to edit it a bit...but here it the original:
I Promise
Can you love with all your heart?
It seems impossible for me.
sometimes this is all, all I ever see.
something I'm not too fond of
in the mirror staring back at me
and I wonder if its the same thing
that everyone around me will see
Could you spare me just one smile
I've been trying to act so tough
Pretending that I'm happy
Just wasn't ever enough
I will be strong, I promise
I know I'll make it through
If I make it through for anyone
that person would be you
You've looked up to me for so long
I can't bare to let you down
I'm hoping that I'll be strong
that you won't ever see me frown
I never met to hurt you
and it kills me to see you cry
mother, father, sister, brother
my heart has never been so held under
under the waters of hurt and pain,
all this self-pity with nothing to gain.
please forgive, I've done you wrong
I promise you it wasn't me
That this disease makes it hard to see
I've been held down for far too long
But through ever talk and every song
that you sang to me through the days
Is slowly returning and catching my gaze.
No one knows me like you do
and you might not believe its true.
But mother, father, sister, brother,
I swear I'll never find another
to give me the love that you've shown me
to be there and refuse to leave.
By your side I'll always stay
I won't let this disease take me away.
You are my family,
And can't you see?
You will always mean the World to me...
Yours Truly,
Charissa
I found some of my old poems on facebook and myspace..and since I don't use either of those that much, I figured I'd do some flashback posts on here.
Here is a poem that I wrote 4 years ago. I wrote this for my family after thinking of how they had been there for me when I was in AZ all those years ago. Family week at Remuda Ranch, supporting me in my recovery. I need to edit it a bit...but here it the original:
I Promise
Can you love with all your heart?
It seems impossible for me.
sometimes this is all, all I ever see.
something I'm not too fond of
in the mirror staring back at me
and I wonder if its the same thing
that everyone around me will see
Could you spare me just one smile
I've been trying to act so tough
Pretending that I'm happy
Just wasn't ever enough
I will be strong, I promise
I know I'll make it through
If I make it through for anyone
that person would be you
You've looked up to me for so long
I can't bare to let you down
I'm hoping that I'll be strong
that you won't ever see me frown
I never met to hurt you
and it kills me to see you cry
mother, father, sister, brother
my heart has never been so held under
under the waters of hurt and pain,
all this self-pity with nothing to gain.
please forgive, I've done you wrong
I promise you it wasn't me
That this disease makes it hard to see
I've been held down for far too long
But through ever talk and every song
that you sang to me through the days
Is slowly returning and catching my gaze.
No one knows me like you do
and you might not believe its true.
But mother, father, sister, brother,
I swear I'll never find another
to give me the love that you've shown me
to be there and refuse to leave.
By your side I'll always stay
I won't let this disease take me away.
You are my family,
And can't you see?
You will always mean the World to me...
Yours Truly,
Charissa
Sunday, February 10, 2013
It's All Too Much For Me
Dear World,
Some nights, I just want it to be over. I'm tired. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of being given things to have them taken away. I'm tired of people using me. I'm tired of always being the one who has to be strong for everyone else then having no one to turn to when I need someone to be strong for me. I'm insanely tired of being treated differently because I want to treat others with love no matter what they look like or where they have been. I'm not sorry that I feel sad for those who are so shallow. I'm not sorry for being different. I don't want to blend in. I don't want to be like everyone else. And maybe by being this way I'm only asking to be put down. Especially in a world that is obsessed with assimilation in to the mainstream, popular, cliche culture. Fuck, that noise is the worst I've ever heard, like nails on a chalkboard to my soul, a soul that screams to be free from the chains of a sick society. And I think I've found that it's no different, no matter where you go. So I tell myself to hold my head high so others can see that it's possible. I hope by being strong I can help to strengthen those around me. I hope that by not giving up, when I so desperately want to, I will have shown someone, anyone, that there is hope. If there is hope for someone like me, there is hope for you. If there was ever a love that reaches so far, it's the love my Savior gives to me. But some days that love makes me want to go home so badly. And by home I mean heaven, so I lie awake at night and pray the Lord would just take me. And when I wake to a new day I ask the Lord to be my strength, because I know without him I cannot go on. Without him, I have no desire to. Without Christ I would just be another face blurred in to the crowd. But that is not how I will go out. I was made for something great, I know this much to be true. At times I want to scream at God and tell him that can't possibly be. But he just says...be patient..so for now that's what I'll do. I want to continually show others love, grace, compassion. I have to ask the Lord to help me to do so everyday, or this world would rip me to pieces. My heart just would not be able to take it. I would be dead or driven by anger and hatred. But my Savior keeps me calm and keeps me moving along. Annnnd I haven't got much else to say, really. It's just life. Another day.
Yours Truly,
Charissa
Some nights, I just want it to be over. I'm tired. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of being given things to have them taken away. I'm tired of people using me. I'm tired of always being the one who has to be strong for everyone else then having no one to turn to when I need someone to be strong for me. I'm insanely tired of being treated differently because I want to treat others with love no matter what they look like or where they have been. I'm not sorry that I feel sad for those who are so shallow. I'm not sorry for being different. I don't want to blend in. I don't want to be like everyone else. And maybe by being this way I'm only asking to be put down. Especially in a world that is obsessed with assimilation in to the mainstream, popular, cliche culture. Fuck, that noise is the worst I've ever heard, like nails on a chalkboard to my soul, a soul that screams to be free from the chains of a sick society. And I think I've found that it's no different, no matter where you go. So I tell myself to hold my head high so others can see that it's possible. I hope by being strong I can help to strengthen those around me. I hope that by not giving up, when I so desperately want to, I will have shown someone, anyone, that there is hope. If there is hope for someone like me, there is hope for you. If there was ever a love that reaches so far, it's the love my Savior gives to me. But some days that love makes me want to go home so badly. And by home I mean heaven, so I lie awake at night and pray the Lord would just take me. And when I wake to a new day I ask the Lord to be my strength, because I know without him I cannot go on. Without him, I have no desire to. Without Christ I would just be another face blurred in to the crowd. But that is not how I will go out. I was made for something great, I know this much to be true. At times I want to scream at God and tell him that can't possibly be. But he just says...be patient..so for now that's what I'll do. I want to continually show others love, grace, compassion. I have to ask the Lord to help me to do so everyday, or this world would rip me to pieces. My heart just would not be able to take it. I would be dead or driven by anger and hatred. But my Savior keeps me calm and keeps me moving along. Annnnd I haven't got much else to say, really. It's just life. Another day.
Yours Truly,
Charissa
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