Anger...

When anyone else would have been proud

You were angry

When I don't want to fight

You stay angry

When you have to pay your bills

You get angry

Anger

What does it bring?

Bitterness.

Is what I've seen

Could you tell me just one thing I could do

That wouldn't ever anger you

Because all the hurt

Is covered

And anger

Is what it hides under

And I hide in fear

Fear

Of bitterness

Fear

Of pain

Fear

That one day

I'll be the same



By:
yours truly,
Charissa A. Wallace

"It is all so simple..just, deal with it"

Life tends to throw me off balance sometimes. I tend to forget what it is in life that I really want. I tend to think that there is something else out there that is better then what I have right now. And honestly that may be the truth. I realized that I have more power over my life then I thought I did. I have to start making my own choices instead of letting others make them for me. My life is my own...I keep telling myself this..in hopes that it will sink in 100%.

I'm getting there...
Better late then never.


Yours Truly,
Charissa

The Truth Comes Out...

So I've come to the realization that when I look back on the past year or so of my life, up until a couple months ago, has been a blur, like I was living someone's life but not my own. I wasn't being true to myself. I gave up everything I was for someone else. It's crushing to me, really. I never imagined that I would get lost in a material world, trying to fit in with people who I didn't even really enjoy being around just because I wanted approval. I was jealous of beautiful girls who were wasting their time with drugs and alcohol constantly. Then I became just like them. I think that what really bugs me is that even when I became someone who fit in to their life style, they still didn't approve. All my efforts to please others were pointless. And of course, I wanted to fit in to the life style that my boy friend was in. I sacrificed so much of who I am as a person. No one asked me to, and no one expected me to. But they always made me feel that the way I was wasn't good enough. Then changing it to fit their standards wasn't good enough either. I am so tired of living my life for other people. Always trying to fit in to a box that someone else has made for me, someone else says who I am...not anymore. It feel so liberating to come to the conclusion that I get to decide who I am. No one tells me how to act, my ideas and thought are my own. I am beautiful in such unique ways, just as everyone else is. I am content knowing that no matter what other people think, and no matter what other people say, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what I know is true. God has taught me so much. I used to think that loving myself was impossible, that I'd never be able to forgive myself for the mistakes I've made. I was wrong. When I look around me and see the mistakes that others make I used to easily forgive them, but, of course, not myself. God extends His grace to me though. He shows me that no mistake is too big of a mistake for God. He really will take all the pain if you just ask him to. Three of the greatest gifts God has given me:
Peace
Forgiveness
Grace

Hello World, It's Been Awhile...

Since I saw you smile
Can't we just be happy for a day?
Or is it what I say
That brings a gloomy day?

I'm not quite sure
Is what she'll say
Where to go from here
The beginning or the end
It's never clear

I found my purpose in this world, it was sitting right next to a broken hearted girl..

I feel like everything changed so quickly. My confidence used to be so low. I used to hate to even look in a mirror. I used to think that I was unlovable, untouchable, and that no one could understand my world. I had to have my heart completely broken, stepped on, and smashed to pieces so that I could put the pieces back together the right way, they way things should have been all along. I had to have someone calling me every name in the book, making me feel like I was completely worthless, someone that I had to stand up to and let them know I wasn't anything they thought I was. He called me stupid, but I'm actually really damn smart. He told me no one cares for me, but my God and my family and my friends would all do anything for me. He told me I'm pathetic, but I just have a kind heart. It's funny how it took someone putting me down for me to finally stop talking myself down. I have had to fight to be who I am and to feel confident in who I am. I'll never let anyone take away what I've learned through this experience and after everything is said and done I wouldn't change a thing. God's methods of teaching me life lessons never stop amazing me. My purpose is to love and be loved and anything that doesn't match up with that doesn't deserve a place in my life.


yours truly,
Charissa

"Now everybody's feelin' all alone, can't tell you who I am..."

Life, shouldn't have to be so complicated. Life, isn't what you would expect, it's usually more than that. Life, isn't about fighting for what you believe in. Life is about coming together with other people and living and loving and doing the things we love to do until the world comes to an end. And no one can tell us that our time was wasted or that life was ever in the least bit pointless. I stopped wishing that I could turn back time and started living my values out loud.

I will have to admit though, there are still things and people I miss, and sometimes I really do feel all by myself. But only for a brief moment, because life is too short to have regrets or to waste time feeling bad for myself. If I want you, I'll tell you. If I hate you, you'll know it. If I go out of my way to be friends with you, don't take me for granted. And I shall do the same for you :]

I live to love, doesn't mean I always have to love my life.

okay, done being random. back to my British tv shows :]

Yours Truly,

Charissa

The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return...

It sounds so simple. Like all you have to do is care and people will care right back. But this isn't the case. This world is cold, this world is not my home. And the hardest thing for me to understand is people who don't care for anyone but themselves. I couldn't ever truly hate anyone because hatred only makes me feel guilt and guilt makes me feel sad. I had my days when all I thought about was myself and believe me, those were the most miserable days of my life. All I thought about was what I wanted or what I didn't have. I learned that the only way to start feeling better about myself was to start living life with a passion for things that I love and people that I care about who are willing to take the time to care about me as well. I am an open book, ask me anything, tell me anything. And even though I slip up and I'm still human and I still have times when I don't act as I should, I want to do my best to show people the love that God has shown me. If God can forgive me and I can forgive myself then why should I not show that same forgiveness to others? Right now life is not very easy for me, it's a constant struggle. But I can tell you now that even though things are hard I never feel alone anymore like I used to. I close my eyes and my heavenly father hold me close, he gives me peace, gives me mercy and lets me know that I am loved simply because I am His. This is why the world has not made me cold, and this is why when things are bad and when things are good I know what I am worth and what each person on this earth is worth. So even though I may get shoved around or hurt I know that hate does not bring anything good and that eventually, in the end, love will win. And I'm talking true love, God's love. I don't think that anyone in this world can truly love other people if they have not felt the power of God's love first. I never understood what it met to forgive and to love until I felt the love of my creator. I used to hate myself, I used to hate my family sometimes, I used to hate others who had done me wrong, but I've learned there's just no point to hatred, love or let it go....

yours truly,

Charissa

What happens when you realize you're just another person to forget?

Well I guess what I'm trying to get at is the fact that I want to be someone that people remember, someone who loves her friends and family and they always love her back, someone who has real friends who are always there because I'm a real friend who will always be there for you. I'm a real person, not just a stupid girl. You find out who you're friends really are and sometimes you find you never had many to begin with. I love the people that I choose to call friends but for some reason I always have more respect for others than they have for me. Maybe it's because I'm just a stupid girl, or maybe it's because I talk too much, or because I try too hard. But whatever the reason is I know for sure that I'm just tired of never knowing who to trust or who to believe in or who I can really talk to sometimes. There are people that I consider to be the best of friends who don't value me the same way I do them. It's just heartbreaking really. That everything seems like a game sometimes. I do have real friends in this world somewhere I hope, but then again, you'd have to ask them. I know I have a family full of true friends back in my home town and a best friend currently spending her entire summer in Idaho, and all my other good friends back in htown, but I'm not there, I'm here and everyone that I make time for is always too busy for me. Question world, why do you always have to take people away from me? I wish you'd just lighten up a bit.

Yours truly,
Charissa

It's a rainy night...

and I'm just sittin' here. Thinkin. Just thinking about how blessed I am to have amazing people in my life. You learn to thank God for every little thing he gives you because honestly, nothing feels as bad as feeling alone. So I'm just glad that I've realized that I never really have to be alone. My life is just that: MY life. I can do whatever I want with it and I get to pick anything! So for now I guess I'm gonna go to bed so I can get up bright and early to drink coffee and do more homework :]

Good night world!

yours truly,

Charissa

I'm bored. and a cool color of greeen :]. what are YOU up to?

Life!

Hey y'all! it's me. Life is a bit boring for now. nothing too exciting happens here. Just lots of homework, guitar playing, and hanging out with the best kinds of people. Great friends! I'm plannin' on not being so boring very soon though. About two more weeks til the end of this quarter of school. Then I can take some time, go back to my hometown and hide out there for a few days! Honestly, I love going back there because I love spending all my time with my family or even taking a very long nap on their couch :]. but I'm headed back soooon for a visit! cannot wait. camping this weekend, bright eyes concert the next. and yes, of course, photos, i will post those too!

love ya!

yours truely,

Charissa

dear friends...

I love you all.

If you've stayed with me this far I know you'll never let me go.

And if you choose to let go, I still won't forget you.

And I'm sure I won't ever be simply forgotten.

Oh true friend, you know me so well.

At the heart of it all we'll be able to tell.

Love is never misplaced or forgotten

Someday, we'll get down to the bottom

of everything with you and me, we'll see.

love is always the right choice,

It's always the way to be.

I'm bored and had to write. more to come soon.

yours truly,

Charissa

"And the plans I made still have you in them"

It's been quite awhile since I've posted anything on here. It's crazy. The last time I posted on here was right after Cody and I started dating. And now we've been together for 9 months. I got so busy that I forgot about this blog completely. It'll be nice to write on here again.

but I've had a headache all day.
time for a nap :]