"I need you...and I need you more"

Here's a song that is really touchin' my heart today...I'll explain more later when my day slows back down. But for now...here ya go!

Oh and you should also read the lyrics;


Time winds down as you stretch upward to heaven
His blood resounds as it's not over precursor
They'll paint them red, those things you said.
They'll paint them red, what you said.

I miss you. I miss you
And I miss you
I need you. I need you
And I need you more
Can see you. I see you
Can I see you now?

I want to defend as I hold you so closely to me. to me.
You speak of peace. well how can that be. surround me
I can't believe the pain received and I can't believe what you said

I miss you. I miss you
And I miss you
I need you. I need you
And I need you more
Can see you. I see you
Can I see you now?

And I felt it. you're not fading
I felt it. I'm not fading
I felt it. you're not fading
I felt it. I felt it

I miss you. I miss you
And I miss you
I need you. I need you
And I need you more
Can see you. I see you
Can I see you now? 



Yours Truly,
Charissa

"And I felt it, you're not fading"

 Dear world,

Welcome to a new chapter in my life. So many things have changed all at once. It has been difficult at times to accept all the grace that God has given me recently. At many points in my life I've been one to believe that I do not deserve love or happiness. I find myself punishing myself by putting myself in a box of self pity, leaving everyone who loves me on the outside wishing that I would just come out. God gave me so many people who have willingly sat right outside that box and have waited for me to realize that what I was doing to myself was absolutely stupid and a waste of my time. Some people have yelled at me to come out of that mindset, others have tried to pull me out. But here is what I have found;

 

Only God can make me free. He has given me everything, and everyone, that I need to help me stay close to him, to help heal me from a past that has left me with so many scars. Now the rest is up to me. I have to accept the gifts that God has given me because I know that because of Jesus, I AM WORTH IT. I am a daughter of the creator of all things. I have a purpose to love and be loved, to serve others and do my best to serve God by striving after a Christ-like attitude towards life, towards others. I was made in the image of God, made to be a reflection of everything that he is. I can't do that by keeping people at a distance, afraid to be hurt, I can't do that by putting up walls. I want people to see my heart because I know if they do they will see a life changed by the grace of God.

 

 

 

Here's to freedom. To the acceptance of God's amazing, unending grace for my once lost soul.

 

 

Yours Truly,

Charissa

And the award for the best liar of all time....

goes to the enemy that tries to grab at my feet every day in an attempt to pull me to the ground. The one that whispers lies that make no sense that I fight to remove from my mind. I feel like a little girl who is running away from something chasing me on a dark night. I run home to my Father and he holds me, keeps me safe. Today I realized that the lies sometimes keep me from running to my heavenly Father for comfort, for safety...for truth. I have listened to lies for far to long. I have put myself in a dark room in a corner, paralyzed by my fears instead of running to a loving, forgiving God who can remind me of who I am through him. I trust in my Father, and sometimes I still don't go to him because of my shame. But behind that shame is a strong woman who knows that God is trustworthy and that if I cannot trust in myself that I can trust in Him...and when I'm not sure who else to trust in this world I can turn to God and trust the path that he has put me on. I can be stubborn at times but when it is all said and done I find myself in the arms of my God, my savor, my saving grace, my best friend before anyone else. He has always been there, he never left me and never will leave me.

On top of always being there and holding me through everything, God has provided for me in ways that I only ever dreamed of. A month ago today, God gave me my life long best friend here on earth, my ministry partner, the love of my life. I have been blessed with a man who loves God with his entire heart and has such a huge passion for caring for others. He brings out the very best in me, we work through conflicts, we meet half way, we talk so openly with one another....Jesus is my first love and this man is my second. There is no one else here on earth that I will ever love more. And people may call us crazy because we've committed to one another so quickly, but I don't want to be with anyone else, and neither does he. We want people to see God's work in us, how He has healed us from our pasts and allowed us to love again. And obviously we have a lot to learn and a long road ahead of us as far as getting past personal struggles, but now neither of us has to do that on our own. We sit and talk for hours sharing our stories, sharing what God has been teaching us as individuals.

We'll talk more later.

Yours Truly,
Charissa

This is not...this is what....what is this?

Nothing. Exactly everything that I have to say can be summed up in to a few words. WHY AM I HERE? Such a simple thing, really.

Finally, got my computer back

after, what seems like quite awhile. As always, my life continues to change. I continue to grow, learn new things, and form new opinions. I feel that I have been doing well on showing compassion and honesty to those around me. At times I do fail. Maybe because I ignore my instincts, but mostly it's because I am human, and I have the tendency of being a people pleaser. Even though this habit is fading due to my intense effort to kick it, it still happens when I care more for someone while they care less for me. The lesson here is, don't let anyone change you. If you ask for God's guidance and ask that he put the right desires in your heart(let the holy spirit guide you), and you listen to those callings in life, you will be surprised at how far you can go. For someone like me, I came from little, the lower class as you might call it, but I know I was made for a great purpose. I will never stop progressing because I don't want to stop. My future is in God's hands. It's one day at a time, and that means you have to do all you can do in the moment if you ever want it to add up to something great. I am by no means perfect, but I will do my best to try and be a little bit better today then I was yesterday, a little bit stronger, a little more self aware, be a better listener, a better communicator, be better at loving and taking care of others, and the list goes on and on and that's why some changes can be such a slow process. My advice to anyone who be to never give up. Any progress at all is better then nothing, every step forward means your that much closer to your goals. Change is hard for everyone. I learned to thrive off change, to ensure the excitement of new things that it has to offer for me, but it took me so long to get to this point. NEVER GIVE UP!

Dear World,

You are beautiful
Believe it
Live it
Love it


Yours Truly,
Charissa

Just Love.

Everyone who really knows me, loves me and their opinions on matters of my life are valued because they are honest and caring, even when that honesty may be harsh. But the opinions of those who do not know me, don't matter...those people are funny to think I care what they have to say about me in the first place. Thank you to my family and friends who taught me this valuable lesson in life.
Growing up means realizing what really matters.....100% genuine love..God's love....surrounding yourself with people who give that kind of love, and doing what you can to show that love to others...showing others that love is stronger then harsh judgment and hurtful words by not allowing those things to affect you negatively. By showing grace and love to those who are hateful it really could help to show people that love and compassion still exist in a world like ours. Show people that they are not in control of your life...God is. And when God is in control, his light shines through for others to see.
Those who truly love you will encourage you to live your life for Christ. They will encourage you to never give up on what you feel the Lord is leading you towards.

Lord, today I ask that you help me to show your love, real love, to those around me. Even those who hurt me. Even those who do not deserve it. Because you and I both know I definitely don't deserve it either.


Yours Truly,
Charissa

Stupid Girl

Dear World,
Here is another old poem. Reminding me of how I've changed and that weaknesses are also my strengths.

Stupid Girl

I'm just a stupid girl
with one life to live
and everything in my heart to give
I love because I can't help it
I care because it's just my nature
I give because I don't see the point in holding back
I talk in hopes that someone will listen
I breathe but the air is suffocating
My downfall is that I mostly see good in those around me;
The bad always comes back to bite me.
But I forgive, I can't see a point in holding a grudge.
And I'll smile, just for you...
I hate my smile, but for some reason it almost never leaves my face
A smile can say a thousand things as I hide behind it.
My face is all that most people will ever see of me.
Just a face.
Just a stupid girl.
And if I never amount to much of anything
That's the one thing I will always know for sure.

Yours Truly,
Charissa