What is wrong with me? If only I could figure it out...

My depression and substance abuse comes from my mother's side of the family..and my anger and detachment come from my father's...hmmmm.What can I do? Was I really just born this way? Will I always have to have the help of some prescribed drug to feel normal, to feel motivated? If only I could be more like my mother. If only I could just make myself do the things I know I need to do. I am so overwhelmed by the feeling of hopelessness that I want to just be gone. But it stays in the front of my mind through everything, keeping me at a distance from things. Even the things that I love most.

Lord, please help me. I constantly cry for you, yet I won't let you help me when I think I can do it all on my own. Silence my pride, my doubts, save me from myself.

Yours Truly,
Charissa