Tired of being held down...

My mind sorts out

The truth from all the lies

Confused, embarrassed

But everybody cries

I push you away

I don't want you to see

The negative, the ugly

The very worst of me

I'll admit, I'm afraid

That all I touch will turn to black

My heart is strong

Yet under attack

Please give me a chance

To sort all of this through

To not let my past

Keep me from you

Because I truly feel

That you and I are beautiful

That we could be

Anything but usual

Yours Truly,

Charissa

It's the saddest thing I've ever seen...

A life torn apart, from the seems

slowly, painfully

becoming everything you fear

Yours Truly,

Charissa

The aftermath of being abused...

Is harder then you would realize...re-teaching my brain to love myself again, to be confident, to not be afraid.

I will succeed.

I swear,

I don't know what's gotten in to me.

How could I think this way?

To consider a step back

Back in time

Is where my mind goes.

I can't do this now

There is too much

Too much to look forward to

Too many reasons...

To never look back again.

"All of the world and all of it's powers, couldn't keep your love from me"

__________________

__...______...______

_....Extremely....___

_....Altogether...______

__.Completely.__

___..Utterly.._____

____...........___

_____......___

______.._______

____________________

...Unexplainable...


That's what real love is. Hope I find it someday.

"The hope that keeps me moving Is in Your promises to me. And right now that's enough, It's gonna have to be"

I AM ALONE...always.

And you will never know when I'm sad.

because I won't tell you.

Why do I always feel like a burden?

And just how do I make it go away?

And I don't want anyone to save me,

I just want the power to do it on my own,

Alone.

I am the only one who can make it go away.

This is how I feel...but it's not true. I don't know how to reach out anymore. Every time I reached out before it was pointless, I got pushed down even farther by the person who I thought would listen and help me. I'm paralyzed and afraid. It's keeping me from my God, my family, but most of all, peace. I want the security of peace. Knowing that no matter what happens I will be safe in God's arms someday...I used to feel him holding me when I got sad..but I've even pushed him away..my very best friend. Lord, help me. You can't possibly be finished with me yet. Please help me to never forget that you are constantly making me in to the woman that you want me to be, even when I can't see it.

Yours Truly,

Charissa

In my mind...

...its like being in a cage..and only screaming in your head, just imagining yourself screaming, and not caring. But you don't scream, because imagining it is good enough and you'd rather not waste your energy. You keep moving forward because that's just what you do...That's what I have to tell myself...At least I taught myself to be productive. But I hate feeling on edge, anxious, unsure. I feel like a prisoner. My thoughts go a million miles an hour and my conscious mind just can't keep up. This always leaves me feeling dizzy, hazy, and not quite sure how to feel, really. So I tell myself...You pick yourself back up. You can do whatever you want. Sort it all out. This is your life. Don't waste it...And that's what I do. I build the cages that I have to break out of. That's the saddest part of it all. I'm learning how to not hold myself back...but the world moves so fast. I wish that it would slow down just for me.