To Walk With You*-

I might have posted this on this blog already. Not sure. But I love it cause it is more of a prayer then a poem.


To Walk With You

make me a child in your presence Lord,
For I am so thankful that you are my Father.
Walk with me along this path
Rejoice with me in times of happiness
Forgive me when I choose not to listen to your words.
Pick me up when I have fallen
Sit and talk with me when I'm weak and feel as if I can't go on.
Hold me when I am broken
Make me beautiful through the suffering.
teach me how to become more like you as I look up to you for guidance day after day.
When I rebel, remind me how much I need you
For I truly am a helpless child.
I only survive by your grace, and the many things you provide for me.
tell me yes, and tell me no.
for only you know what's best for me.
Help me to see my brothers and sisters on my journey
to remember that you gave us to each other
and that we need each other,
as you constantly remind us that we cannot do it on our own.
we all do our part in your family Father.
Our one goal is to love and serve you
to strive to obey you in all we do
and to run to you when we're hurt,
when we're full of joy,
when we have a question that needs an answer,
and when we just want to talk.
to be able to wake up in the morning and say
I love you father
to spend the whole day in your presence
so that we may sleep knowing that you are watching over us all the while.
that, truly is the greatest gift,
to know that after having ran away you welcome me with open arms.
you forget the ways I've hurt you and give me a fresh start every day
Father today I want to live for you and only you,
to please you in everything that I do.
I'll take your hand and walk with you,
its what I've be longing to do.

Yours Truly,
Charissa

Another Poem From the Past

I'm not sure why I wrote this poem. I know it wasn't about anyone specific, just a feeling. But it's been awhile since I've thought about it. Maybe I will remember someday!


Free

I want to be free
to feel the rush of the wind on my back
the sun warm on my face
the sand beneath my feet
won't you take me there?
to the place where I long to be?
where everything is perfect.
I wished you'd come with me.
I'd teach you how to laugh
at the stupid things I do
and maybe then you would learn
to laugh at yourself too
come walk with me
along the shore
just to see its beauty
I couldn't ask for anything more
a beautiful night with stars above
it might seem plain and dull to you
but this is my language of love
the beauty of the evening sky
tells more than you could imagine
and I'll teach you how to never be shy
you shouldn't hide your beautiful eyes
the thing that I first noticed about you
I know it's crazy, but it's true
so come away
just for today
to the shore line
where we can be free

Yours Truly,
Charissa

I Promise

 Dear World, 
I found some of my old poems on facebook and myspace..and since I don't use either of those that much, I figured I'd do some flashback posts on here. 

Here is a poem that I wrote 4 years ago. I wrote this for my family after thinking of how they had been there for me when I was in AZ all those years ago. Family week at Remuda Ranch, supporting me in my recovery. I need to edit it a bit...but here it the original:

I Promise

Can you love with all your heart?
It seems impossible for me.
sometimes this is all, all I ever see.
something I'm not too fond of
in the mirror staring back at me
and I wonder if its the same thing
that everyone around me will see
Could you spare me just one smile
I've been trying to act so tough
Pretending that I'm happy
Just wasn't ever enough
I will be strong, I promise
I know I'll make it through
If I make it through for anyone
that person would be you
You've looked up to me for so long
I can't bare to let you down
I'm hoping that I'll be strong
that you won't ever see me frown
I never met to hurt you
and it kills me to see you cry
mother, father, sister, brother
my heart has never been so held under
under the waters of hurt and pain,
all this self-pity with nothing to gain.
please forgive, I've done you wrong
I promise you it wasn't me
That this disease makes it hard to see
I've been held down for far too long
But through ever talk and every song
that you sang to me through the days
Is slowly returning and catching my gaze.
No one knows me like you do
and you might not believe its true.
But mother, father, sister, brother,
I swear I'll never find another
to give me the love that you've shown me
to be there and refuse to leave.
By your side I'll always stay
I won't let this disease take me away.
You are my family,
And can't you see?
You will always mean the World to me...



Yours Truly,
Charissa

It's All Too Much For Me

Dear World,

Some nights, I just want it to be over. I'm tired. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of being given things to have them taken away. I'm tired of people using me. I'm tired of always being the one who has to be strong for everyone else then having no one to turn to when I need someone to be strong for me. I'm insanely tired of being treated differently because I want to treat others with love no matter what they look like or where they have been. I'm not sorry that I feel sad for those who are so shallow. I'm not sorry for being different. I don't want to blend in. I don't want to be like everyone else. And maybe by being this way I'm only asking to be put down. Especially in a world that is obsessed with assimilation in to the mainstream, popular, cliche culture. Fuck, that noise is the worst I've ever heard, like nails on a chalkboard to my soul, a soul that screams to be free from the chains of a sick society. And I think I've found that it's no different, no matter where you go. So I tell myself to hold my head high so others can see that it's possible. I hope by being strong I can help to strengthen those around me. I hope that by not giving up, when I so desperately want to, I will have shown someone, anyone, that there is hope. If there is hope for someone like me, there is hope for you. If there was ever a love that reaches so far, it's the love my Savior gives to me. But some days that love makes me want to go home so badly. And by home I mean heaven, so I lie awake at night and pray the Lord would just take me. And when I wake to a new day I ask the Lord to be my strength, because I know without him I cannot go on. Without him, I have no desire to. Without Christ I would just be another face blurred in to the crowd. But that is not how I will go out. I was made for something great, I know this much to be true. At times I want to scream at God and tell him that can't possibly be. But he just says...be patient..so for now that's what I'll do. I want to continually show others love, grace, compassion. I have to ask the Lord to help me to do so everyday, or this world would rip me to pieces. My heart just would not be able to take it. I would be dead or driven by anger and hatred. But my Savior keeps me calm and keeps me moving along. Annnnd I haven't got much else to say, really. It's just life. Another day.


Yours Truly,
Charissa

idkkk

Dear World,
I stood there, looking back on my life. Wondering how I ever felt that I wasn't loved. Wondering why I tried so hard to please those who never appriciated me for who I am. I don't want the fresh perspective that I have been given to fade. I don't want to go back to being afraid. There is nothing to be afraid of. How could I have been so afraid of the way others see me and not be afraid of death at the same time? For awhile there I felt that God had forgotten me. The only thing that I could make myself do was cry out for His help. That was all I could say..Lord help me, please don't forget me, all I need is some peace, nothing more. And then when I thought He was doing nothing, is when I was being changed. There was just something about being surrounded by people who genuinely appriciate all that I am as a person. Hell, my family even likes my bad attitude sometimes because it makes it easier for them to poke fun at me. And then before I know it I can't help but smile. And I am almost positive that it is me that has changed. My appriciation for their acceptance towards me has grown so much because I have realized how rare real love is..how rare unconditional love is. And my mother, oh that woman, how amazing. Someone who truly does bare the image of God, showing his love to people whenever she can. A woman after God's own heart. I hope to have a heart like hers..to see the good in people..to think the best of those around me, giving them the benefit of the doubt. And even if I'm wrong, I've at least done the best that I could to give others what I would like them to give to me. Basically...I'm rambeling on...the end:]


Yours Truly,
Charissa

"And as for selling myself short, I have become notorious"

I'm sitting here..waiting for a verdict from a board of people who know only my name and few things other than my appearance to connect me to that. I wonder if that is all I have been to most people here..a name..a face..the girl who pushes the limits that others have set for her(in the most postive ways of course..or at least I believe this to be true). I just can't help but wonder as I look back...have I let my situations, or the way others look at me, effect the way I look at myself..or the way that I know God looks at me? Maybe people have been treating me like a child because I have no faith in the woman that I have become. I'd like to be grown up but continue to think that I have nothing to offer the world. I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't keep putting everyone else on higher ground, putting myself in a position for those around me to look down on me. I can only imagine how much better my life will become when I can convince myself that I am worthy to stand on the same level as my peers. What I desire more than anything is to be a leader. But how can I do this without speaking up? My voice is hidden and no one knows the power that I have been given to go behind that voice. I know the gifts that God has given me and all I have to do now is let God be my confidence, that I might be brave because he is always with me.

Today, I just pray that, no matter what happens, I will have the strength to see myself as the beautiful woman of God that I truly am..instead of the victimized young girl who feels as if she shouldn't exist. I pray for peace and courage for myself and all others who struggle with their self worth. Please know that this world does not define you. No matter what label you may recieve in this world, it doesn't matter. God left his imprint on each one of us. If we choose to imbrace that, the labels of this world will simply be irrelevent opinions. Don't ever forget how perfect you are through Christ.


Yours Truly,
Charissa

I have...

lived through a lot of things...
But me...crying because I thought someone was making fun of my hair...
Me...actually caring that others would make fun of me.
And me...reminding myself to not be such a baby and embarrass myself even more.

Misunderstandings...these little things..embarrassing, but life goes on...and it could have been worse.

Reminds me of a memory from when I was much younger. I was supposed to sing a solo but I didn't feel like I knew the song as well as I should. Needless to say..I ended up forgetting the words exactly when the song was supposed to start and felt so embarrassed that I ran out of there so I could cry without anyone seeing me.

Life is full of these little moments..if my life were a tv show...these memories would probably be in it. And let's face it. I know I'm not the only one.

So..a reminder to anyone reading this:  If you love who you are, live it up. Be who you are. You only get to be yourself, so take advantage of that. Don't get embarrassed over the little things. Remember how strong you are. And if you do just happen to end up running out of a situation in tears, it's okay. I promise you'll look back and be able to laugh. You are wonderful because you are God's :)
Don't forget it.


Dear Lord,
Thank you for another day.


Yours Truly,
Charissa A. Wallace