In my mind...

...its like being in a cage..and only screaming in your head, just imagining yourself screaming, and not caring. But you don't scream, because imagining it is good enough and you'd rather not waste your energy. You keep moving forward because that's just what you do...That's what I have to tell myself...At least I taught myself to be productive. But I hate feeling on edge, anxious, unsure. I feel like a prisoner. My thoughts go a million miles an hour and my conscious mind just can't keep up. This always leaves me feeling dizzy, hazy, and not quite sure how to feel, really. So I tell myself...You pick yourself back up. You can do whatever you want. Sort it all out. This is your life. Don't waste it...And that's what I do. I build the cages that I have to break out of. That's the saddest part of it all. I'm learning how to not hold myself back...but the world moves so fast. I wish that it would slow down just for me.

Idk...

but I find it funny that I can find a song to fit just about any little piece of my life...well almost...and if I can't find a song from all the one's that are already out there, I can just make a new one. I also find it interesting when people put limitations on themselves and what they think is possible, and the way they think things "should" be. Things are exactly they way you choose to make them. You create the life you want with the things that have been given to you to build it with. But I am not limited to anyone's set of standards in life but my own. And honestly I think anything is possible so I will not only imagine who I want to be, I will be that girl..that woman..the one that doesn't do things just because "that's the way it's done", the one who takes everything she's given and makes the best of it. I pray to be more like my heavenly father. I pray that my desire to be more like him never fades, and Lord, please continue to help me to be a little bit stronger each day, and thank you, for nothing letting me feel completely alone this paste year. Thank you for never leaving my side.

Yours Truly,

Charissa

I'm not to sure...

What can I say? Life changes, people change, people grow. I've grown. I've had to move on, leave people behind. Some people don't grow up as quickly as others and I am not willing to let anyone hold me back from growing to my full potential. I am who I am. I am becoming who I want to be, who God wants me to be. I can be strong, for myself and for others. I can love with my entire heart and learn to laugh at the little things. It isn't always easy. It can actually be pretty difficult at times. But I will continue to try, as best I can, to do what I feel is right.

Anger...

When anyone else would have been proud

You were angry

When I don't want to fight

You stay angry

When you have to pay your bills

You get angry

Anger

What does it bring?

Bitterness.

Is what I've seen

Could you tell me just one thing I could do

That wouldn't ever anger you

Because all the hurt

Is covered

And anger

Is what it hides under

And I hide in fear

Fear

Of bitterness

Fear

Of pain

Fear

That one day

I'll be the same



By:
yours truly,
Charissa A. Wallace

"It is all so simple..just, deal with it"

Life tends to throw me off balance sometimes. I tend to forget what it is in life that I really want. I tend to think that there is something else out there that is better then what I have right now. And honestly that may be the truth. I realized that I have more power over my life then I thought I did. I have to start making my own choices instead of letting others make them for me. My life is my own...I keep telling myself this..in hopes that it will sink in 100%.

I'm getting there...
Better late then never.


Yours Truly,
Charissa

The Truth Comes Out...

So I've come to the realization that when I look back on the past year or so of my life, up until a couple months ago, has been a blur, like I was living someone's life but not my own. I wasn't being true to myself. I gave up everything I was for someone else. It's crushing to me, really. I never imagined that I would get lost in a material world, trying to fit in with people who I didn't even really enjoy being around just because I wanted approval. I was jealous of beautiful girls who were wasting their time with drugs and alcohol constantly. Then I became just like them. I think that what really bugs me is that even when I became someone who fit in to their life style, they still didn't approve. All my efforts to please others were pointless. And of course, I wanted to fit in to the life style that my boy friend was in. I sacrificed so much of who I am as a person. No one asked me to, and no one expected me to. But they always made me feel that the way I was wasn't good enough. Then changing it to fit their standards wasn't good enough either. I am so tired of living my life for other people. Always trying to fit in to a box that someone else has made for me, someone else says who I am...not anymore. It feel so liberating to come to the conclusion that I get to decide who I am. No one tells me how to act, my ideas and thought are my own. I am beautiful in such unique ways, just as everyone else is. I am content knowing that no matter what other people think, and no matter what other people say, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what I know is true. God has taught me so much. I used to think that loving myself was impossible, that I'd never be able to forgive myself for the mistakes I've made. I was wrong. When I look around me and see the mistakes that others make I used to easily forgive them, but, of course, not myself. God extends His grace to me though. He shows me that no mistake is too big of a mistake for God. He really will take all the pain if you just ask him to. Three of the greatest gifts God has given me:
Peace
Forgiveness
Grace

Hello World, It's Been Awhile...

Since I saw you smile
Can't we just be happy for a day?
Or is it what I say
That brings a gloomy day?

I'm not quite sure
Is what she'll say
Where to go from here
The beginning or the end
It's never clear