The Truth Comes Out...

So I've come to the realization that when I look back on the past year or so of my life, up until a couple months ago, has been a blur, like I was living someone's life but not my own. I wasn't being true to myself. I gave up everything I was for someone else. It's crushing to me, really. I never imagined that I would get lost in a material world, trying to fit in with people who I didn't even really enjoy being around just because I wanted approval. I was jealous of beautiful girls who were wasting their time with drugs and alcohol constantly. Then I became just like them. I think that what really bugs me is that even when I became someone who fit in to their life style, they still didn't approve. All my efforts to please others were pointless. And of course, I wanted to fit in to the life style that my boy friend was in. I sacrificed so much of who I am as a person. No one asked me to, and no one expected me to. But they always made me feel that the way I was wasn't good enough. Then changing it to fit their standards wasn't good enough either. I am so tired of living my life for other people. Always trying to fit in to a box that someone else has made for me, someone else says who I am...not anymore. It feel so liberating to come to the conclusion that I get to decide who I am. No one tells me how to act, my ideas and thought are my own. I am beautiful in such unique ways, just as everyone else is. I am content knowing that no matter what other people think, and no matter what other people say, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what I know is true. God has taught me so much. I used to think that loving myself was impossible, that I'd never be able to forgive myself for the mistakes I've made. I was wrong. When I look around me and see the mistakes that others make I used to easily forgive them, but, of course, not myself. God extends His grace to me though. He shows me that no mistake is too big of a mistake for God. He really will take all the pain if you just ask him to. Three of the greatest gifts God has given me:
Peace
Forgiveness
Grace

Hello World, It's Been Awhile...

Since I saw you smile
Can't we just be happy for a day?
Or is it what I say
That brings a gloomy day?

I'm not quite sure
Is what she'll say
Where to go from here
The beginning or the end
It's never clear